I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
