It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
