Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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