How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
