if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
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