It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
