to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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