The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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