i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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