My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
