Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
