There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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