Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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