So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
