Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
