My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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