you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
