I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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