"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
