I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize