my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
