He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
