I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
