Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
