5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
