Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
