im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
