if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I deserve this hangover.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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