She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
