i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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