I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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