Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
