Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
