those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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