Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
