Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm passing your future prison.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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