I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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