I seem to have left my pride at pride
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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