Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Holy sore nipples Batman
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
