I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
