so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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