Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
