i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
