Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
