So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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