I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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