I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
