It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
