you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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