Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
