I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
