just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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