Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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