a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
