i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I wear drunk well.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize