one two three fourrrrnication!
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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