The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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