whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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