Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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