then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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