Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
