hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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