THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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