You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
