Just fell off a train. Bad.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
either way he was missing a nipple.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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