i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
